Couple of Years On Me

Once upon a time there was two of us. My older brother, who seemed to be the "good son" and me, the "bad seed".

Everything I seem to do in life turns into the biggest cluster fuck that one has ever seen. At first I just was a shit. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I thought to myself, "what the fuck, you only live once." Besides, I have to keep up my end of the deal, be the bad seed, the one that nobody can count on. Life is just much easier that way. Live and let live. Don't count on anyone and don't be the one that they can count on. That way when I can't maintain everyone could just say, "ah that's just the way he is". Then they could wave their hand in the air on go on with their lives. I too could go on with mine, with little or no consequence, emotionally or any other way really. Reality was, the "good son", often paid the consequence for me.

I would bitch to my brother how I hated my life. I would get pissed because he always seemed to have his shit together. He would look at me and tell me that we weren't that different really. "I just have a few more years on you brother. That's all. Someday you will come into who you are. Let it be, just learn from your mistakes and move on. To hell with what the world thinks of you, but, never NOT give a shit about what you think about the world."

It's taken me a few more years to wrap my head around what he was trying to say to me. If I can change how I view the world around me, if I can look at the world with my heart instead of through the eyes and opinions of others, and actually give a shit about what's going on it in, then it is I who will change within. I will be a better man not because of my actions, but because I can see the world with my soul and do what I can to make it a better place. Give to the world, not take from it. Learn from my fuck ups, not do them over and over again.

Guess now I have a couple more years on you. The "good son".