Papercuts

Most of the "paperwork" at my job is done on a computer, I would say in the few years that I've worked there, when I started it was 50/50. 50% paperwork and 50% computer work. These days it is more like 99/1. 99% computer work and .....

Holy hell the other 1% seems to be taking a fucking slice out of my skin for some reason. I have come home with four, count them, four papercuts in the last week.

Seriously, I would rather have my fingers cut to the bone than have a single papercut.

On top of that, my relationship with my new girlfriend seems to be bleeding out, not that it is her fault or mine, it's just that we aren't as compatible as I thought we were. Still, walking away from yet another failure in my sex life, love life, or that "special one in my life" cuts.

I wonder if I am subconsciously getting these physical papercuts to deal with the emotional blood letting that I am, and never have been good at handling.

I need to tell her that I am no longer interested. I need to end it.

I need to quit doing paperwork.

Dancing

There are several dances we do in life. I think the greatest dance we have the opportunity to tango to is the dance of love. It stirs every single emotion inside us.

Think about it. If you love someone, or even something, when you look at it, touch it or interact with it in anyway, it will, without a doubt stir a emotion in you. It can range from anger, jealousy, happiness, to alas that thing we call love.

It is the one thing that touches every part of you. Emotionally, physically, mentally, you name it you will be touched by it.

It is the one emotion that regardless who you are, saint or monster, that every human being seeks to find. The one dance that we all want to step onto the floor and do.

It is also, the most terrifying dance of our lives. The one that we fear the most.

Once again, I have met a new partner to try this dance out with. It scares the hell out of me. Learning to feel safe and loved with another human being. Knowing that she is the one person who can do that, BUT, at the same time, can be the one person I can feel unsafe and unloved with. This could be of my own doing, which in the past has been the case, or it just could be that she may find she doesn't want to dance anymore with the same partner.

I will face this fear. I do not want this to be the dance I miss out on or regret dancing to.

Here I go, holding my breath and taking the first step ...