My Own Prison

There is a song that was written by Scott Stapp called "My Own Prison". I find myself listening to it a lot lately.

Sometimes, even though I know in my heart that God is a forgiving God, I feel as if He isn't there for me. That for some reason, He is overlooking me, or punishing me for all the negative I have brought into this world through my hands.

The sad part of this is I know that it is a prison of my own creation, not of His. A prison not of cold walls of steel or stone, but one where I still feel as if I live in the shadow of something so heavy that I will never see daylight. A shadow that I have become so accustom to that I don't even notice the demons cluttering around me while I hunker down in the corner. I don't even flinch at the pain that I feel, or worse yet notice the pain that I seem to cause others.

I cry out to God so often, as the song says, seeking His decision.

But then I think, damn dude. It isn't His decision for me to stay in this shadow. It's mine. I've had it. I'm going to find that Lion that roars in this darkness. I'm going to yank the keys from his hands and free myself.

Allow myself to feel some emotion and show some emotion. Hold myself responsible for my actions, yet not let others cage me in with guilt of my past actions.

That's the only way to see the daylight. The only way to destroy what I have created.

That's the way out of my Own Prison.