Most of the "paperwork" at my job is done on a computer, I would say in the few years that I've worked there, when I started it was 50/50. 50% paperwork and 50% computer work. These days it is more like 99/1. 99% computer work and .....
Holy hell the other 1% seems to be taking a fucking slice out of my skin for some reason. I have come home with four, count them, four papercuts in the last week.
Seriously, I would rather have my fingers cut to the bone than have a single papercut.
On top of that, my relationship with my new girlfriend seems to be bleeding out, not that it is her fault or mine, it's just that we aren't as compatible as I thought we were. Still, walking away from yet another failure in my sex life, love life, or that "special one in my life" cuts.
I wonder if I am subconsciously getting these physical papercuts to deal with the emotional blood letting that I am, and never have been good at handling.
I need to tell her that I am no longer interested. I need to end it.
I need to quit doing paperwork.
3 comments:
I want to share something with you. You don't have to publish it.
I spent the last week at an ashram. A man gave me a ride to the train yesterday. We hadn't met or talked. Within minutes we were talking about everything, from nature to work to kids to obligation to why are we here on this planet. I had not been talking to many people at the ashram because I wanted to understand silence. I even sat at a table that was meant for silence. When I did talk to people, it never went deep. I didn't want that.
Suddenly I felt like I had made a new best friend. It hurt. But he told me something that I had heard once before. I would like to share it with you. I hope it gives you some peace:
Some people come into your life for a season.
Some people come into your life for a lifetime.
Some people come and go into your life.
Some only come once and briefly.
All of this is meant to be. There are no coincidences. You are meant to learn from this person, or teach this person. In special cases you both learn and teach. Once the lesson is imparted, the relationship ends.
You aren't a failure, Spongy. No way. You are honest and real. You don't play the superficial game. You can't. You aren't comfortable with playing it safe, even though you may wish you were as life wouldn't hurt so much.
People like you are rare. Because of this, some things may come harder--you are in a world where so many people see happiness as the absence of suffering. Deep down, you know there is more to life than that.
Here is another thing this man told me:
What do all humans want out of life?
1. To be happy--everything they do, even things that seem wrong or end up badly, they do because they are seeking happiness. Everything.
2. To be healthy--Some define that as feeling good. But it is more about strength and the ability to live life fully.
3. To be useful--everyone wants to serve a purpose. Those who get discouraged end up angry and disillusioned. They aren't living in their ideal state.
Here's a lesson I keep having to learn: my happiness does not depend on others, but myself. Once I compare myself to others, I usually come up short. But we are all on different paths. Some people aren't progressing; they are standing still. Even with setbacks, you aren't doing that--you are out there trying to live authentically.
Man, I went on! I hope this made sense.
Wow, you sound like someone else we both know.
Thanks it helps, really it does.
Yeah, I looked at it just now. I swear that is what happened. Odd.
Well, you are an authentic person--too many of the other kind in this world.
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